What Do I Have To Offer.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Well, yesterday was unusual i skipped school for the last time (I swear) and well i talked and talked and let myself just be myself for once in a while.
That got me to dangerous grounds. Thinking. When i think i usually end up scared because i think of death or i think about finding the one. It wasn't so different this time, but i did it backwards, i thought of what i could offer and what would i do, given the circumstances of finding myself in love. like really head over heels.
And i got to the conclusion that i am like this- this is what i can give
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I am a weird person, i look tough on the outside and sometimes i act like i don't give a shit, when on the contrary im very responsible, im lovable and im a little corny (if you really deserve it), i cry at movies and sometimes when the mood is right or im just feeling a little bit blue i can cry with songs because somehow in my little head i think they are singing to me and were inspired by me when they where making that record, i can be mad and a little jealous (i said a little you know i hate jealousy) but its only for a good thing, i can stay up till late talking, watch a movie, watch plenty of movies, i can just stay listening to you everytime with a beer on my hand just thinking of how amazing it is to be sharing things with you, im romantic and ill never ever pressure you into anything because i don't like being pressured, you will be you and i will be me, the only thing is that we will be ourselves- Together.
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Right now there is no 'YOU' i will love it if that were the case, im still waiting though and i know she'll come and she will love what i am, no matter where she is, no matter who she is, i will love her and i will give her what i have to offer.

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posted by Roasted Twinkie at 11:05 AM | 2 comments

Peter Gabriel - MEXICO!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
I should really write this in spanish but like i've said before i get my words around better in english.

Yesterday night one of my long life dreams became true. I got to experience one of the best musicians alive LIVE and with great musicians as well (ex. Tony Levin, David Rhodes & Richard Adams), i already knew the setlist (not the order because i still wanted to be surprised).

I can't really put down in words what it was like to stand there and be there first row!- my mom, dad, brother all went along with my craziness, we arrived to the forum at 5pm, and the doors were opening at 6, we stayed there and started talking about how my brother and me used to listen to him since we weren't even born (true story ya'll).

Open doors and we ran, well not literally they weren't following me on that one!, i wanted to go to the bathroom so i urged them to go and find us a great place, it was a great place indeed, really first row from our section, we were only apart by the 'VIP' wich wasn't big, along came the chips and the beers, i didn't have one only my brother and my dad, then the wait, it was supposed to start at 8:30, Travis was the supportive band but it didn't started until 8:45, ha now that i think about it it wasn't that far along they performed for one hour and they were good, really good, then they finished and i could feel every emotion in me just starting to grow, then at 10:18 lights off! music GO!.

His voice OUT in the open in my country singing to my people, i cried, and yelled, then it all went to silence he was about to say something, he read talked to us in spanish and explain the origins of the song he was about to perform, i was loving every bit of it, for once i wasn't looking at the screens, i was looking at the show, then and there, once in a lifetime and probably the last chance i was going to get.

Every single song was a trip, every single one was a different emotion, a different memory, something to talk about and cherish.

With everything i still got my favorites, i wanted to hear 'Solsbury Hill' since forever and it was amazing, but the song that blew my heart away was 'In your eyes' that song melted me down on the floor and made me realize i want to feel like that for someone and in that moment i will realize she is the one. 'Secret World', 'Sledgehammer', 'Blood of eden', 'No self control', 'Games without frontiers', just to name the ones you'll probably know. one of the best of the night as well, 'Father, Son' it touched us me so much, the forum was quiet, everyone was listening to every word throughout that song, before Peter sang it they were asking for 'Biko' wich he ended up singing at the end, but he said and i quote 'Padre e hijo', then the music, then his voice and the lyrics, and it was oh so quiet, oh so perfect, one of the best nights in my life, and im proud to say i enjoyed every single bit of it.

Will upload some show pics when they become available!

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posted by Roasted Twinkie at 2:13 PM | 4 comments

Im An Intruder
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Its safe to say i am super extra exited by the thing happening on friday. Whats that thing? Not other than one of my dreams of my entire lifetime (well since i was like 6 years old) Im going to watch Mr. Peter Gabriel himself live and it is promising to be one of the best or THE BEST moment in my life.
Ive said and i mantain it when this friday happens ill only have to see Beyoncé live and ive already seen every artist i really really like. (well Pink is slowly entering the list and it wouldn't hurt to see Hanson again).
Well right now i can't think of anything that is not my date on friday or school and since both of them seem boring or could be boring then ill stop now.
My location is where the date will happen, if you haven't listened to any of Mr. Gabriel's music i highly recommend 'secret world live' his best songs and live!.

Enjoy life because it is beautiful!. I am happy today

Now ill leave you with his most known hit so far, and one song ill definitely hear on friday and one ill enjoy. Its not my favorite but i do like it and i hope you do too!. (taken from the cd i recommended! <3)







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posted by Roasted Twinkie at 11:31 AM | 1 comments

I Can Imagine The Moment (Naomily!)
Monday, March 23, 2009
Im late I KNOW. But you still get the feeling!.

 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
 
  

 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I <3 Emily

Pics taken with love from one of my fave Journals

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posted by Roasted Twinkie at 12:59 PM | 2 comments

Not Holding On!
Friday, March 20, 2009

For some reason this is my second time in a row writing my blog without an internet connection and without pressure, and i'm loving it!.

School was good today, i love my class and the teacher as always gets his job done in the best way.

I was getting my hands on the 9th episode of skins, but it was slow, its always better the next day today it gets on like magic, i kind of think what its going to happen but i don't really want it to happen because i could cry. The bad thing of it all is that i always get to watch the episodes friday night and i got school saturdays at 7am so i don't get to sleep much, but its oh so worth it!.

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Things here begin to have a meaning, im a believer that things happen for a reason and that there is destiny and that you can create your own. A bit contradictory i know but its the truth.

'Love won't come knocking on your door, you may find it on the street- He/She is meant for you, but you have to do something about it'.

I know she is out there that is for sure, but time is something precious and i will find her and she will find me, everything will be perfect everything will be as its supposed to be.

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I haven't been this 'poetic' or with a need to write since i was in high school, needless to say that was a long time ago. Sometimes i get inspired and i like it, sometimes i think it is a piece of crap. Now i feel like i could write allot about everything but i just don't have the time to do it, exams and homework and movies, like if i were to really write, like i did i wouldn't be writing this and i shouldn't be writing the other stuff because its sleeping time because i have to be up at 8 but like i said is all for a reason.

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HER

I guess now is the perfect time to say what i knew all along, i didn't like her like her, i didn't love her, i don't know why i was there.

I have a recommendation: If you don't like the kiss- LEAVE!. i swear you could know everything just by that.

Im not mad and im not angry i swear i got to class today and i was shinning with happiness, im free now & i didn't cry which says something i didn't actually felt bad, i felt relieved.

People trusts your instincts!

Now i got sleepy so ill write again tomorrow but ill post it soon!

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posted by Roasted Twinkie at 10:59 AM | 2 comments

What was it we were...Thinking of
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
I need to write how i feel and normally when i do my blog updates they are fast because i need to go or because i feel like i shouldn't be writing allot- I have come to realize is my blog (lol) so this time i won't make a small post.

That being said, im writing this at 11:15pm on St. Patrick's Day (March 17) but since i am actually posting it on another day i'll leave that one and just recall when i wrote it.

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Today was a day of up's a down's for various reasons. I've been feeling bad (emotionally) and well i've been fucking some things up. some of which i'll discuss in this space.

-I needed money to pay my ex-girlfriend, money she told me on my birthday i shouldn't worry anymore about paying her because it was my ''gift''. Little i know that gift was only a way for her to have me there because she played that card like 2 times and well i was stupid enough (as someone pointed out) to be there not actually because of that but it had a part on it. I decided i was going to be brave and last wednesday (the day of my horrific 5) i was going to tell her how i felt, how i really felt meaning that i felt (and still feel when i think about it) that it was a sick relationship, when we talked we fought over and over again, she accused my best friend of wanting to love me and in the end actually wanted me to choose between my friend and her- that was just not me.
Her thoughts straight people can't be friends with gay people because they always want them. I didn't agree, i didn't choose she yelled i yelled then we made up, then i thought over and over again and on wednesday i told her that- Not sane anymore, and that doesn't mean i don't love you (which until friday was entirely true).

I was supposed to call her at night and i didn't because of my grade, i had to retake that test the next day and i really needed to study, she told me to call her that it will only take her a minute so i did. she said everything was ok she agreed with me and that she wanted me in her life as friends but not like BFF just friends, which in my language translates as 'i know you but don't call' i agreed- i was very worried about my grade and i really didn't want to fight anymore. i was having everyday headaches because of the fights and the pressure. It was all okay, as i wrote the other day it was a good day on thursday and then friday the 13th of hell.

I was happy about the beach and i was joining on some beach-shopping when at exactly 3pm she called. I answered and she said what i thought she would: remember the last present i gave you? -Yes i do. Well that one im going to have to take back, i don't really need it but i'll see what i will use it for. I panicked she knew i didn't have it and that i would be in a extremely amount of pressure to get it and she did it anyways, i understand is her money and all but you don't just give and take back as simple as that. Or at least thats what i always have thought. So i asked for help and now i have her money and i will tell her nothing at all, or probably i will tell her every little thing i hate and how i hated the way she handled this, i now regret so many things but you have to learn from everything.

-He is going to help me, he is good to me and i fucked up hard (remember several times i said) i went on a mini vacation (i haven't forgot the pics!) and i didn't see him for 3 days and the first thing that comes out of my mouth is 'did you get the money' what am i an idiot? no i know im not, im just a worried ass person who had nothing in her mind but that money because i received an email with the pay date so yes i was worried and i know i was a jerk and i told you i was sorry before but it won't hurt if i say it again. IM SORRY! and thank you so very much!!

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I was going to write about my JJ and my JJ happens to be him, he is my friend, he knows im gay and he knows how i function and he doesn't judge, he does disaprove of some stuff and speaks his mind about it but he is kind an honest as well, i love him (as friends but of course!) and he asked me something that you will get to see if you happen to watch Skins (i know i promised ep. 2 been trying but they disconnect me 'they=home' you'll get it i promise!). And then you will understand.

I shared my point of view about it and how i felt, if it does happen then i will make someone happy if it doesnt it will be because of destiny of because someone changed his mind. But i agreed and now i understand Emily and i totally respect her for that. not that i ever did the opposite. and yes i know its a TV show!


JJ & Emily

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I may cry on friday when i get to see Em's episode if it turns out to be what i (and allot of people) don't want it to happen i just have to wait. dld. and see! -- I need to study for exam 3. maybe ill do it tomorrow and then ill study (yes i can i get 2 chances per exam! how cool! and no they are not the same!)

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 Now i will get going hoping that you don't have to go through what i went through its my wish for your life. Its not pretty but you do learn who to trust and to validate some aspects you thought were missing or not there.

Enjoy your life. Im now free and planning to do the same. No pressure i will just be me and do what i want when i want not worrying about Her and that i have to talk to her, i have to sms, nothing. Its good.

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And just because im still obsessed!

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posted by Roasted Twinkie at 10:57 AM | 2 comments

Let's take a boat & wait until darkness comes.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I really wish i could do that. Just leave it all behind. Now im absolutely fucked up.

I promised myself i was going to relax and i did. i really did but coming to the city again is like all of this problems just get around the surface and explode even though i know everything will be okay i still can't help but wonder.

I promised some pics and i will give them to you i will just do it later still got homework to do!.

-I ate allot at some point i felt like throwing up.
-Listened to Peter Gabriel on my way there (Peter+Road trip=Excellent!)
-Swimming in the ocean is the best thing ever.
-I AM supposed to put on sunblock!. i did and now im not in pain!
Now back to it all. Everything will be fine. And i will have it.


btw. i have my own J.J. I swear! and i will ramble about it!

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posted by Roasted Twinkie at 11:21 AM | 1 comments

Life after failure
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Is Great!. I just got a 9! and i couldn't be happier.

My uncle just let my roomates cousin, aunt and me know we're going to the beach this weekend. why? Because on monday he doesn't have to work and i don't have to go to school.

I feel happy. because i am relaxed and because i got a 9 and i knew i could and i will be even more relaxed when im on the sun this saturday and sunday!. Ill post pics i promise.

btw can't wait for skins! damn episode still won't show up! and how bad was it the L word finale?..so bad i will make an entire page about it. too much to do!.

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posted by Roasted Twinkie at 7:15 PM | 1 comments

Skins!
Just because i can! and because i love it and because im hoping YOU will love it



This will happen this season.

Once again Im in love.!

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posted by Roasted Twinkie at 12:03 AM | 0 comments

Epic fail
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I know im not supposed to be writing right now. I should be studying! but i really need this.

Epic Fail- I know. I've gotten 5 before only this time it was personal!. Me against what i thought i could do. What did i learn?- Not to trust in what i do think i know anymore.

20 questions so to get a 5 i got right 10- correct?, now i need to focus. I need to stay alive an 8 but i can do more so im going for it all. 

Im going for it right now!. Back to my studying session.

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posted by Roasted Twinkie at 10:46 PM | 0 comments

Saying good-bye to hollywood!
This doesn't mean im giving up on my life's dream of making a movie. Im just saying good-bye to the dream i forced in my head about her.

This past couple of days i kind of lied. Pretended my cell didn't worked and well i felt free happy, that mixed with Skins episode 6 and what Naomi's mom tells her, that was it for me.

It was good im not going to lie. But i do deserve better, someone nice and someone who doesn't play someone i can just be myself with without having the need to pretend.

The decision is made, i just need to make it happen.

I saw half of the new Underworld movie in my advertising class. Weird but true. Im a fan and i was a bit disappointed that Kate Beckinsale is not on the film (well according to my brother she does make an appearance at the end). but i was liking it. Crappy FX but i like the story. I liked vampires before Twilight even show up!. FYI.

Now its late and its even weird that im typing this in my comfortable bed being tuesday and all and that disconnecting wireless at night. (actually kind of reminds me of being home at night where they don't turn off wireless!)

But it was good that i had a chance to catch up because i really like it here. After all is mine!.

And just because im in the mood! /this picture is of the episode mentioned above!.


Im a bit in love. please bare with me.

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posted by Roasted Twinkie at 12:46 AM | 0 comments

Long Shot
Friday, March 6, 2009
Aside from being my favorite song in the new Kelly Clarkson CD.

I've been actually thinking i'm in love with Emily. Well me and like thousands more but for me is kind of weird because she is nothing like what i've been known to wish for.

It seems today will be a totally boring day, Im not going out and well i have nothing left to study.

I will enjoy the quiet. I shall not worry lol.

MeetEmily-Again









Watch SKINS!

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posted by Roasted Twinkie at 12:01 PM | 1 comments

Skins: Emily&Naomi
Thursday, March 5, 2009
OMG it feels like ages. i actually don't mean to stop writing the thing is this week i was on exams (cue: 'was' today is my last one) and i had another reason for it- SKINS. 
By reading one of my most beloved Journals i decided i was going to give this 'new' show a chance and it turned out to be one of the greatest experiences on TV of my life- i was always used to shows i could semi-relate but not entirely. Its real and emotional and if you live where i live and you are not familiar by their culture then maybe a little offensive but not to me. Yes you see drugs and sex and they talk about it as if it where the most normal thing in the world but who doesn't? maybe you do it and you hide it at least they are honest enough to write about it and talk about it. And the most important thing the gayness. There's this 2 girls. Right now i will not elaborate- if for some reason you haven't seen it. BUT you must. Its excellent just watch everything of season 3!
I haven't seen the past seasons but they are different characters so there will be no problem if you just happen to watch season 3!. I promise you, you will not be disappointed.
Now got to head back but this meets my weekly obsession too.
Meet Emily&Naomi

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posted by Roasted Twinkie at 12:18 PM | 1 comments

When you freak out there's a road sign. 2
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Im laying in my bed reminiscing specially when i have to watch other people kissing. Not exactly like Lily Allen once said but you get the idea.

Im in this relationship from hell.

I've been trying i really have but i just realized like 20 minutes ago that if you don't like the kiss then you won't like anything at all. She is a bad kisser or we just don't connect?. Help
Im not full of myself but like I've said  before I do deserve better, and I've been going at it for months all we do is fight on the phone or where im there where she is, we don't have anything AT ALL in common, and she hates my friends because i like them, well this has to be she hates my friend because he is my friend and he is a he and he is not gay, which to her is unacceptable because him being straight has got to mean that he wants something more of me. she is jealous (yes that's why the song), she wants to be in control and usually all i do is say im sorry and i don't want that anymore.

I don't want to be sorry because there's nothing i have to be sorry about. 

And im too much of a coward to leave. Why?. because somehow in my almost never twisted head of mine i believe that's all im going to get and it scares me because it has gotten to a point where everything everything ive always said i wouldn't do- i'm doing, and everything i hate- it's happening. 

I do love her, but as the awesome Samantha Jones once said. I Love ME More.

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posted by Roasted Twinkie at 1:44 AM | 2 comments